Ashley Madison-Sex Lies and Scandal Review: Infuriating Documentary Wants Us to Feel Bad For Cheaters?

– No Spoilers –

The Ashley Madison website leak was probably the only data breach the vast majority of the population of the world was happy about. You don’t usually see a majority of the world asking for hackers to be protected at all costs and this crime, being touted as one of the biggest in the world, has very little negative impact on the population. Now, one might wonder why and would be absolutely boggled to know that Ashley Madison is a dating site for those who wish to cheat on their spouses.

The trailer of the series itself is an absolute mind-boggling watch where we see willing participants who wanted nothing more but to disrespect, humiliate and traumatise their spouses touting themselves as a victim when in reality the broken pieces of their spouse’s life are what is the real crime here. Of course, one cannot understand the tone of the series just from the trailer, but the trailer gave me the distinct impression that it was trying to say that the cheaters’ privacy should’ve been maintained somehow! Now, this isn’t to say that hacking is a good thing because it’s not. But let’s be realistic here – when it comes to Ashley Madison, we get it.

I think what I dislike the most about Ashley Madison: Sex Lies & Scandal is how cocky everyone on the show is. There is a moment towards the end of the series where Evan Back mentions that marriages are boring and people (or, men, in his opinion) want to sleep with that 23-year-old. And I get that – there are many reasons why a marriage can break down but to happily and actively be for something that asks people to deceive their partners is nauseatingly silly and says more about the state of the world than anything else.

I am of the opinion that it’s better to let the marriage end and live happily separately instead of lying and deceiving your partner and living together in misery. However, that’s where the problem is with this series – what are we trying to show here? Which side are we on? Sometimes the series feels like it’s trying to make that stand that “boohoo look at these poor cheaters who had to face the consequences of their actions” and sometimes it’s a case study about hacking. It takes the side of neither, leaving us listening to former employees and users of the website gleefully describing why Ashley Madison was such an enigma and all the reasons why they decided to join the website and cheat.

The fact that the makers of Ashley Madison: Sex Lies & Scandal don’t know where they stand in a series that focuses on a dating website that specialises in extramarital affairs is nothing short of odd and disappointing. It makes you feel like the makers are trying to tell us that regardless of how wrong these people were, they shouldn’t be facing the consequences of their actions. Personally, the docuseries lacks nuance. It sees the entire ordeal in black and white but the fact that there is grey in this world is probably the most apparent in this scenario and the documentary absolutely lacks focus on showcasing that.

There is a couple that we see quite deeply that really drives the home of how badly something like this can affect people. Sam and Nia are the “perfect” couple but of course they wouldn’t be here if one of them didn’t mess up. Sam, who was on Ashley Madison, mentions how it was a stupid decision to sign up with his real information as if that was the only thing that he got wrong when he decided to cheat on his wife. This is a repetitive topic of discussion on the series and the fun and flirty background score makes all this seem like such a funny little thing, when in reality there’s something just so vile and exasperating about it that it gets on your nerves. The biggest problem is, gaian, that the series doesn’t take a stand. Unfortunately, when you don’t take a stand against the wrong, you take a stand for them.

There are many moments in Ashley Madison: Sex Lies & Scandal that bring up the debate between monogamy and non-monogamy which, again, I think the series gets wrong. The question is whether or not monogamy is for everyone because it’s not. You can consensually be non-monogamous with a participating partner(s) and everything is fine and dandy. The problem is, however, that people who have affairs don’t keep in mind that their spouses didn’t consent to a non-monogamous relationship, essentially making that debate null and void.

However, what I did enjoy was watching the brains behind the marketing and how everything came to be on the dating website. It’s interesting to watch the ideas, the planning and what makes such a thing tick. Now, let’s not forget that the website didn’t just get the numbers that it did on its own – the public was also for something like this. Thus, for those with a morbid curiosity about how something like this even happens, the documentary does a good job in that respect. It’s also fascinating to watch how deluded all of the employees of this company are even in 2024 – it’s hilariously baffling and will leave you scratching your head.

Ashley Madison-Sex Lies and Scandal Review: Final Thoughts

Ashley Madison: Sex Lies & Scandal really tested my patience. Although it is made in a light-hearted and entertaining way that makes it easy to watch, its blatant refusal to actually point out the immorality behind being on a website that promotes having affairs will grind anyone’s gears. The series oftentimes feels like it’s trying to make us feel bad for the cheaters who had their privacies breached. Maybe I am a horrible person, but I don’t feel sorry for those who chose to go through the lengthy process of signing up for this nonsense and then had the consequences of their actions handed to them, even though it was done illegally.

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